This painting is about a thought that I have had for many years, but you gotta hear me out.

Whenever I am involved in something where clothing is given out or provided (ie. wetsuits for white water rafting, t-shirts for a fundraising event, employer events, raffles, etc) I get filled with no small amount of dread. Lord knows that “one size fits all” item will never fit my plump frame, and it makes me feel awkward having to see the mild panic in the faces of the organizers when they realize they have to accommodate my body.

Well, my brain took that situation and turned it up to eleven.

If an alien species came to earth and intended up abduct someone, and they somehow ended up abducting me, no damn way do they have a space suit that would fit me. I’ll wear the weird helmet and booties and whatever I can that actually fits, but I am NOT going to be forcing my flesh body into spacesuit that is 3 sizes too small. Or maybe they would have some weird space age space suit that truly WAS one size fits all, and that adjusts to the flesh body inside it, but then it would just create a deeply unflattering sausage casing that bunched and squeaked as my thighs rubbed together as I walked around. Either way….

I’m not wearing that.